NEVER ALLOW FEAR TO SEIZE YOU

Have you ever had a broken heart? The term is used so readily. What would it really feel like? After all - without a heart, you would be dead. You would be completely destroyed. Just like I am. With a broken heart you would not be able to function. You would be in pain constantly. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't breathe without you chest exploding with pain. Your eyes would always be hot with tears and your mind full of agony. Tonight that's how I feel. Tomorrow I hope the wounds begin to heal...but some wounds never fully heal. And all injuries leave a scar. The question is: Will the pain debilitate me forever? Or will I overcome the pain and find complete peace in the arms of my Lord Jesus Christ? I know what I want...but pain does strange things to a persons heart. It may sound awfully melodramatic but - I have made sorrow my companion. Sorrow walks with me wherever I go. I am not particularly fond of her but she won't leave me alone. When I am with others I can ignore her but when I am alone - she is my sole companion.

So...I'm crazy! I finally sit down and write a blog and it is the most depressing thing you're likely to read today. I needed an outlet and I figured that writing was a lot healthier than any alternative ideas that popped into my head. Sorry I am inflicting this on you. There is something bizaarely therapeutic about writing your innermost thoughts for the world to see. It's impersonal and cowardly and yet completely honest. There are no questions.

(Chaman doesn't want to be with me anymore because I have hurt him too much. I couldn't trust enough. Couldn't open my heart enough. Couldn't be vulnerable enough. I made my heart into a wall and now that I have finally softened - My heart has been broken. The very thing I was scared of all along. The reason I shut myself off from love in the first place. My fear ruined everything)

Thai-Burma Border

A tiny section of Mae La Refugee Camp (population 50 000)



The boarding school girls at Mae La (where we stayed)



Some of our Noh Bo students in Burma for Karen Revolution Day (we also attended)



Karen National Liberation Army (Burma)



"Love Mountain" - Noh Bo


Well I am finally posting some photos from the border! A group of us went (for 5 weeks) to teach English and to share the love of Jesus. It was a beautiful experience and I met some amazing people. We stayed in Mae La refugee camp and also in a boarding school in Noh Bo (a village close to Mae Sot on the Thai-Burma border.) We were living with the Karen refugees who have been marginalised for their faith and ethnicity for about 60 years. Please pray for them to continue in their faith and perseverance.

Brief Update

At the risk of having the lamest, least updated blog that no one bothers to check anymore - I have decided to post some recent picks. We had a quiet Christmas this year (Just my parentals and younger sister Hannah.) It was nice though. The parents house is being demolished due to ASBESTOS so they are frantically looking for new place at the moment. I am going to Thailand on the 16th of January to work/mission in a refugee camp/school for of minority Burmese group. Going with a group from church for a bit over a month so get back on my birthday (the 19th.)

Anyway, here are some picks from my friends 21st and Chrissy...

Heart, Car and Bookshelf

Well...update time. I have a broken heart; a work car and a new bookshelf.

Rach, I stole your idea with your beads/jewellery and transfomed an old pin-board with some fabric and pins. I think it looks pretty. Thanks for the idea!

Due to a "Misdemeanour" I GET TO TAKE A WORK CAR HOME! Yay me! It is a huge 7-seater/people mover KIA Carnival. I feel so little inside of it! It's so good to have a car though - (even if it's just for a while.)

I am practising patience (still) and trying to trust in the Lord as I am on my own again. Fasting; praying; reading my Bible more. My heart is sad but I am holding firm that God's will will be done in my life and that is the only way it should be.

Please pray for me. I need a lot of prayer right now.

My bookshelf is iron and glass. Just like my heart - Strong and yet fragile.

Moved AGAIN!

Hopefully this will be the last move I make for a while. It will be nice to settle a bit instead of being a nomad. It's a great place. Come and visit sometime.
New job is going well...Not so new now. Busy and liking it.

Long Awaited!

YES! I am still in the blogging game! (When I have a chance) I will try to let you know what's been going on. In the last couple of weeks I have moved house and started a new job so it's been crazy. Loving the new job and the house is nice but still wanting to move in with friends. Not much time to look for a place though.
Hopefully I will have more time later to let you know what I'm up to. Generally I am happy. Oh, and I FINALLY did my driving test last week. I got my licence first go! Wooooo hoooooo!
More later.

Something to Remember

I know this is a really old hymn but it helps me to remember to pray when things get difficult - instead of relying on my own strength. I hope it encourages you.


1. What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

2. Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

3. Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.